9,000 bellends! Oprah FTW!
You would think that the American people, having tasted the Patriot Act, would have tired of being stripped of their civil rights. You would be wrong.
Seeing as no one is terribly concerned about terrorists anymore, the US Govenment is falling back on the tried and trusted horror of paedophilia to force through legislative changes that would allow them to violate the privacy of their citizens even further.
And now they have Oprah aboard, punting their agenda for them. You see, Oprah speaks to middleclass suburban moms. Her audience is larger than that, of course, but that’s her base. It’s a huge crowd, they all have kids, and they’re concerned about this Internet thingy that their kids are spending so much time on. Who better to rally them round?
Now quickly view this video before the inevitable DMCA takedown removes it from YouTube. In case it’s gone, I will quote it for you.
“Let me read you something that was posted on our message board by someone who claims to be a member of a known paedophile network. It said this. He does not forgive, he does not forget, his group has over nine thousand penises, and they are all raping children.”
The truly hilarious part of her mind-numbingly dumb quote is, it’s a 4chan meme. Some internet troll went and posted an outrageous message on Oprah’s forum that included the classic meme (which, to be fair, her fact checkers really should have caught), and she’s gone and quoted it verbatim.
So Oprah clearly has some egg on her face here. In her frenzy to drum up support for a legislative strapon the US government can use to cornhole anyone they don’t like for any reason, she fed a giant troll. Around the world, regulars of /b/ are now chortling with glee and high-fiving each other at the outstanding resurrection of a meme almost as virulent as All Your Base. This is so much better than any RickRolling.
So in honour of the occasion, and because I cannot resist joining the celebration, I have created a small ditty featuring both her quote and the source. Enjoy.
What I don’t get is, do Americans genuinely believe that these evil new laws will actually be used to hunt paedophiles? Oprah clearly does, but how can she be so naive? She’s usually pretty well informed.
Update 1 : A number of things have occurred to me since I initially posted this.
The legislation that Oprah’s having everyone write their Senators about isn’t about pedophiles. The Bill in question (1738) is in fact an omnibus of 30+ other issues that various senators are trying to get passed but can’t, plus one small child protection issue – which is in fact about reducing civil rights further. The Americans must love that Patriot Act.
So, let’s be clear, Bill 1738 isn’t really a bill at all, it’s a way to get some random (and quite scary) stuff passed that wouldn’t get passed on its own. But Oprah’s selling it really, really hard, using the fear of every terrible predator she can muster, including some trolls who happened by her site.
The computer admins at Oprah dot com clearly realised they were under attack by the crew from 4chan, and in fact all of the 4chan vandalism has been removed from the Oprah forums. Given that the post that Oprah quoted was removed along with all the other 4chan bombs, she had to know it was a troll.
Which means it is now my opinion that it was no accident she read it out. It was precisely the kind of FUD she was looking for, and she was counting on the idea that the bulk of her target audience wouldn’t recognise the meme reference.
But it is now delightfully backfiring. And I am pleased, in my small way, to be a part of that.
Update 2: The tune is now on YouTube and seems to be spreading. The Anonymous lads of /b/ have already ripped the Oprah 9000 song and are propagating it way farther and further than I would ever have imagined – in fact their posts are generating far more hits than my own. It appears to have grown its own legs.