9,000 bellends! Oprah FTW!

by David , September 20 2008 in: 9000 penises song, Oprah, audio, over 9000, rant, tasteless humour

The likeness is uncannyYou would think that the American people, having tasted the Patriot Act, would have tired of being stripped of their civil rights. You would be wrong.

Seeing as no one is terribly concerned about terrorists anymore, the US Govenment is falling back on the tried and trusted horror of paedophilia to force through legislative changes that would allow them to violate the privacy of their citizens even further.

And now they have Oprah aboard, punting their agenda for them. You see, Oprah speaks to middleclass suburban moms. Her audience is larger than that, of course, but that’s her base. It’s a huge crowd, they all have kids, and they’re concerned about this Internet thingy that their kids are spending so much time on. Who better to rally them round?

Now quickly view this video before the inevitable DMCA takedown removes it from YouTube. In case it’s gone, I will quote it for you.

“Let me read you something that was posted on our message board by someone who claims to be a member of a known paedophile network. It said this. He does not forgive, he does not forget, his group has over nine thousand penises, and they are all raping children.”

The truly hilarious part of her mind-numbingly dumb quote is, it’s a 4chan meme. Some internet troll went and posted an outrageous message on Oprah’s forum that included the classic meme (which, to be fair, her fact checkers really should have caught), and she’s gone and quoted it verbatim.

So Oprah clearly has some egg on her face here. In her frenzy to drum up support for a legislative strapon the US government can use to cornhole anyone they don’t like for any reason, she fed a giant troll. Around the world, regulars of /b/ are now chortling with glee and high-fiving each other at the outstanding resurrection of a meme almost as virulent as All Your Base. This is so much better than any RickRolling.

So in honour of the occasion, and because I cannot resist joining the celebration, I have created a small ditty featuring both her quote and the source. Enjoy.

What I don’t get is, do Americans genuinely believe that these evil new laws will actually be used to hunt paedophiles? Oprah clearly does, but how can she be so naive? She’s usually pretty well informed.

Update 1 : A number of things have occurred to me since I initially posted this.

The legislation that Oprah’s having everyone write their Senators about isn’t about pedophiles. The Bill in question (1738) is in fact an omnibus of 30+ other issues that various senators are trying to get passed but can’t, plus one small child protection issue - which is in fact about reducing civil rights further. The Americans must love that Patriot Act.

So, let’s be clear, Bill 1738 isn’t really a bill at all, it’s a way to get some random (and quite scary) stuff passed that wouldn’t get passed on its own. But Oprah’s selling it really, really hard, using the fear of every terrible predator she can muster, including some trolls who happened by her site.

The computer admins at Oprah dot com clearly realised they were under attack by the crew from 4chan, and in fact all of the 4chan vandalism has been removed from the Oprah forums. Given that the post that Oprah quoted was removed along with all the other 4chan bombs, she had to know it was a troll.

Which means it is now my opinion that it was no accident she read it out. It was precisely the kind of FUD she was looking for, and she was counting on the idea that the bulk of her target audience wouldn’t recognise the meme reference.

But it is now delightfully backfiring. And I am pleased, in my small way, to be a part of that.

Update 2: The tune is now on YouTube and seems to be spreading. The Anonymous lads of /b/ have already ripped the Oprah 9000 song and are propagating it way farther and further than I would ever have imagined - in fact their posts are generating far more hits than my own. It appears to have grown its own legs.

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39 Comments for “9,000 bellends! Oprah FTW!”

  1. derek says:
    20 September 2008 , 2:02 pm

    brilliant - you’re a doctor ….

    just give me nu nu nine thousand

  2. Jonty says:
    20 September 2008 , 7:28 pm

    Brilliant! v. nice indeed.reminds me of this (silly video. delicious song)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfzlneKWRBo

  3. David says:
    20 September 2008 , 7:50 pm

    Hahahahahha ace Jonty. I wish I had video skills, I’d whip something up for this.

  4. Oprah misses the point. Dave gets it. Funky. « UK Baptist News Week says:
    20 September 2008 , 11:47 pm

    [...] misses the point. Dave gets it. Funky. Nice post here from davidstuneshop about more erosion of privacy and the growth of state power in the west, with a [...]

  5. Anonymous says:
    21 September 2008 , 4:29 pm

    You have instantly and permanently become one of my favourite persons.

  6. eddy says:
    21 September 2008 , 5:02 pm

    that mix you made is the best thing i’ve ever heard.
    How can i get the song?

  7. David says:
    21 September 2008 , 5:23 pm

    How can I download this? plzkthx

  8. Mark says:
    21 September 2008 , 9:29 pm

    Dude I gotta get this song! Please post it. :D

  9. John Doe says:
    22 September 2008 , 1:26 am

    Please please please please please…make an MP3 available for download.

    I love this song so much. It should be her new theme-song!

  10. Over 9,000 Penises and They’re All Raping Children « miltownkid.com says:
    22 September 2008 , 3:34 pm

    [...] That jazzy tune came from here: [davidstuneshop.net - 9,000 bellends! Oprah FTW!] [...]

  11. Weeman says:
    22 September 2008 , 5:16 pm

    awesome man i love your song

  12. brandon says:
    22 September 2008 , 8:15 pm

    glad to hear you’re making a full length one! I await!!

  13. ferricide says:
    22 September 2008 , 8:54 pm

    just to chime in and say i have listened to this song, like, 10 times already today. there needs to be a full version and i will give you 99 cents for it or whatever!

  14. TagDaze says:
    22 September 2008 , 9:44 pm

    I need this song in MP3. Plus, it needs to be included on the next LULZ-CD.

  15. canihaznewmeme says:
    23 September 2008 , 12:00 am

    i can’t stop listening to that tune, SO ADDICTIVE !

  16. Anon says:
    23 September 2008 , 10:25 am

    amazing remix bro, you win 2 internets ;) if you could email me when you get a downloadable version it would be greatly appreciated. i need to find a way to cut it down into a ringtone for my iphone haha.

  17. mudkip says:
    23 September 2008 , 12:31 pm

    Full version get
    Victory

  18. soundy says:
    23 September 2008 , 4:16 pm

    I soo want this track.

  19. nameless says:
    23 September 2008 , 6:19 pm

    i was trying to get the title of the song from the video..good thing the uploader kindly credited your site where he got the tune.

    great song! it adds more humor to the content being shown.. XD

  20. Hyper says:
    23 September 2008 , 7:15 pm

    I am dying to hear the full version. Please post it 192 kbit mp3 soon! I can’t loop the 1:24 min version too much more ;P

  21. mans1ay3r says:
    24 September 2008 , 11:41 am

    Just wanted to thank you again for making the tune! Its still the best one out there, and as you already know, terribly catchy!

  22. septer+october=spoctober says:
    24 September 2008 , 11:43 am

    Hi god, nice vid you made thar.

  23. anon says:
    24 September 2008 , 1:03 pm

    this is the best.

    do you have the original songs source? the mario sounding one.

  24. Doug Sim says:
    24 September 2008 , 6:58 pm

    love the tune, American politics scares me.

  25. Zak says:
    25 September 2008 , 6:16 am

    Can you please make a dance remix?
    I and others I know are relistening to this mp3 over and over. It would be great if you made a “long” version… maybe even added something new!

    Awesome and thank you for the great remix.

  26. mistamatrix says:
    25 September 2008 , 1:10 pm

    Superb track, very catchy.. play it a few times each day to make us laugh.
    Excellent joke on a matter so twisted, love to /b/ and respect to over 9000 penises, we have 23 more.

  27. Someone says:
    25 September 2008 , 6:15 pm

    Awesome song, but why don’t you offer an mp3 download? I’m sure that will cause your site to get more hits. For now I have to rip a reduced quality and mildly mutilated mp3 off one of the youtube videos that stole your song.

  28. miltownkid says:
    25 September 2008 , 7:35 pm

    I will have to investigate this “Bill 1738.” I hate these sorts of things. They’re just plucking civil liberties one at a time…

  29. what? says:
    26 September 2008 , 2:04 pm

    full song pl0x

  30. Kyle says:
    26 September 2008 , 2:32 pm

    LOL, that’s fantastic. Great job, for something actually genuinely funny.

  31. Laura says:
    27 September 2008 , 4:31 am

    Oprah Staffer who doesn’t eat meat: Oprah! look at this post on the forum about child porn! It’s perfect for today’s show.

    Oprah: Vegetarian, what does the forum say about their power level?

    Staffer: It’s over 9000 penises!

    Oprah: What, 9000! We have to use that on the show.

    And the rest was history…

  32. Magdalicious says:
    28 September 2008 , 5:18 am

    Good song!

  33. overkeel says:
    28 September 2008 , 10:25 pm

    I love the song, I love the story, and I just wish the sadness wasn’t true. My friend showed me all the news posts and stuff, that was funny, then this tune you’ve done, HILARIOUS. and jaunty. Got a spot for download? Awesome work, good post man. Late.

  34. Kyo says:
    29 September 2008 , 11:13 am

    Can we has download?

    I needz to download it xD

  35. Terror Bill says:
    29 September 2008 , 8:19 pm

    dude, you’re a legend. I cant believe you launched such a classic viral diss of Oprah into the ether AND you got to watch it spawn. Your track is calculated, geeky and (even) troll like. Did I mention it was funny too.

  36. Hyper says:
    2 October 2008 , 11:57 pm

    So when is the Full Version coming its been a week now ;P

  37. Hyper says:
    14 October 2008 , 2:41 pm

    Guess you gave up on it now…

  38. Ryo says:
    14 October 2008 , 4:47 pm

    aww nuts and i was looking forward to getting the full version ><

  39. Hyper says:
    29 October 2008 , 2:19 am

    Checking back again, 2 more weeks… no full version.. COMMON please ;P

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